This article discusses bullying, mental health and suicide. Reader discretion is advised. 

Paul Ayer knows that success on the ice does not always tell the whole story. Behind his skating career is a journey that has included overcoming bullying, stigma, mental health struggles and thoughts of suicide, while finding a sense of belonging along the way. This Suicide Prevention Month, Paul is sharing his story to remind others that it’s okay to not be okay and that asking for help is never a sign of weakness. 

The Weight of Words   

After discovering figure skating at nine, Paul quickly fell in love with the sport. He embraced the challenge of competition and soon began finding success on the ice. As his skating achievements began attracting recognition, classmates began mocking Paul for being a male figure skater, directing homophobic slurs and insults his way. 

For Paul, the stigma surrounding men and boys in figure skating made him a target for bullying – an experience he says is unfortunately familiar to many male skaters he knows. The harassment quickly escalated, becoming a daily reality of verbal and physical abuse, intimidation and eventually death threats. 

Looking back, he says one of the biggest misconceptions about bullying is that individual comments are harmless. “You just threw a comment in once, so no big deal. But for that person getting it every single day, that one time does add to the accumulation of it.” 

The constant harassment took a devastating toll on his mental health. School became a source of anxiety, and Paul grew increasingly isolated. Despite his parents’ efforts to involve the school and even police, the bullying continued. In grade six, at age 12 or 13, he began experiencing suicidal thoughts. 

During one of his darkest moments, when there was no longer light at the end of the tunnel, Paul’s mind flashed with thoughts of his younger brother Alex, and how much he still had to live for. It became a turning point in his life and lit his path forward. He finally opened up to his parents about the severity of what he was experiencing, and they immediately connected him with professional support. 

Breaking the Stigma 

Paul’s recovery would take years, but seeking help taught him an important lesson about challenging the stigma surrounding mental health. 

“There seems to be some stigma that there’s something wrong with you if you’re asking for help,” he said. “I think that is completely false. The reason that I was like that wasn’t because there was something wrong with me,” he explained. 

Therapy gave Paul space to process what had happened and recognize that the cruelty he faced was not a reflection of his own worth. 

His experience also shaped how he views mental health in high performance sport. He explained that athletes can feel pressure to push through adversity, remain composed, and avoid showing vulnerability. For Paul, learning to ask for support became an important part of his figure skating career and an important contributor to his on-ice success. 

The Power of Sharing 

Another milestone in his healing journey came when he switched to Calgary’s National Sport School. Surrounded by athletes from a wide range of sports, he found something that had been missing for years: a sense of belonging. 

At the school, Paul connected with other male athletes who had experienced bullying themselves. For the first time in years, he felt accepted for who he was. That sense of community helped Paul feel more comfortable being vulnerable and opened the door to sharing his own experiences. 

“It was a safe space,” he said. 

In Grade 10, Paul shared his story publicly for the first time during an anti-bullying presentation at school. Afterwards, a fellow student approached him to say that hearing his speech had changed the course of his life. The conversation stayed with Paul, revealing the profound impact that sharing something deeply personal can have on another person. 

That moment inspired him to continue speaking publicly about mental health, anti-bullying and suicide prevention. Today, he encourages athletes, coaches, and his teammates to create environments where people feel safe asking for help. 

A Message of Hope 

Looking back on his journey, Paul knows healing does not happen overnight. But he also knows how much can change when someone finds support, community and the freedom to be themselves. 

Now, Paul uses his voice to remind us that asking for help is not a sign of weakness and that others have experienced similar struggles. His message is simple: you are not alone. 

There is help.  And there is hope. And there is light.  

You are that light. 

If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in Canada to connect with the Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7.  

To reach the Kid’s Help Phone text CONNECT to 686868 or call 1-800-668-6868, available 24/7.